Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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