I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
