nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
