You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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