I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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