Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
