this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
