i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
