she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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