i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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