Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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