i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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