Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
