ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
