Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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