Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
