So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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