if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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