M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
