i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
