Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
