Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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