My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
