I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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