I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
