wake up i wanna do it froggy style
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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