You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
