toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
