rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
