I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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