shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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