I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
