put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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