just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
