Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
