I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
