why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
