so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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