oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
