Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
