my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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