Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
