I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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