if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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