I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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