I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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