gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
