This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
