If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
