maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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