So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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