Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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