Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize