He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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