To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
