No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
