Did you just see the Batmobile???
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
