I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
