Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
