is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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