you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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