They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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