Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
