and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
