I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
