No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I touched a dick in church today
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
