i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They took my balls.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
