We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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