He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
